Monday, September 11, 2006

Interview with a Leprechaun

I was lucky enough to conduct a phone interview with Farney over the weekend. He generously provided me with information previously unavailable anywhere in the Reds blogosphere.

COB: So, Farney, what has been the best part of the season for you so far?

Farney: Well, I should say the playoff race, but it's been so frustrating at times that it kind of takes the fun out of it. So, I guess I'll say winning the beer mat contest last month at a pub in San Fran.

COB: Sounds like an accomplishment. How many beer mats did you flip?

Farney: 120.

COB: What?!?

Farney: 120.

COB: You're lying. No one can flip 120 beer mats, especially a little person like you.

Farney: What? Are you discriminating against me? Mocking my vertically challengedness? How dare you!

COB: No, no, I'm not mocking you. The Guinness record for beermat flipping is only 111. If you flipped 120, then you broke the record.

Farney: See why it's the best part of the season?

COB: No. What about Adam Dunn's 40 home runs?

Farney: That's not exciting. He does that every year.

COB: Well, what about his grand slam to win that game?

Farney: Fun, but it proved not to be the turning point in the season.

COB: Rich Aurilia's year?

Farney: Yeah, Richie's having a great year. I'm proud of him. But he doesn't hold the Guinness record for beer mat flipping.

COB: David Ross?

Farney: What about him?

COB: What do you think about his year?

Farney: Lucky him. He and Scott Hatteberg. I sprinkled a little leprechaun dust on them at the beginning of the year and it worked.

COB: Leprechaun dust?

Farney: If I tell you, I'll have to kill you.

COB: What do you think about Bronson's year?

Farney: More dust.

COB: Phillips?

Farney: Dust.

COB: Encarnacion?

Farney: Dust.

COB: So you're saying that the Reds who are having good years owe it to your magic dust?

Farney: Yep.

COB: Why don't you sprinkle some of that dust on Ryan Franklin and Royce Clayton to get them going? Why not the whole team?

Farney: I don't like Franklin or Clayton. Franklin called me a midget, and Clayton sat on me in the clubhouse and didn't even say sorry.

COB: But the others? Wouldn't your dust help the team to the playoffs?

Farney: Uh, that's all the time I have. Nice talking to you.

COB: Wait...

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